Category Parenting

Stopping for a Moment for Lifetime Wisdom

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There’s been a lot happening in my life that doesn’t happen to be anything about my chronic illnesses, however they directly have an effect on my wellness. Remember, that just because you are doing everything possible to control your illnesses, the outside world and uncontrollable influences can send you into a flare. I’m really allergic to stress, even emotional stress. How can I tell?

I have this superhuman ability to gain like 5 to 10 lbs. overnight, which my kidney specialist told me one time was absolutely impossible. No one can eat or drink that much in one day for that to just appear. No doctor had an answer. However, here I was being this fabulous super growing and shrinking woman depending on what was going on in my life. Never did we realize at that point in time, it was directly correlating with the stress that I was under. Yet here I am, rocking it, even when my body was in a peaceful state as far as illness the day before.

So, I’m going to share with you some wisdom, that has seemed to come to me over the past few years. It took a group of my family elders and myself along with an example that shortly followed that brought me to this outright wisdom.

In Parenthood and Life, “It is okay to be human, but it’s always best to be a GOOD human.”

It takes nothing to be a Good Human to Yourself. Picture Credit: Engin_Akyurt/Pixabay

There’s been many different times I’ve asked myself over my lifetime, why certain people just choose to be a bad human. Then you wonder what kind of people would raise such a human. I am naturally a curious person and a people watcher. I even studied a bit of psychology when I was young in high school prepping for college, along with any and every child development course I could and even though I didn’t follow through with any type of degree, it certainly helped me in some pretty tight spots myself.

You can meet some of the most insanely nice people and then there are just inherently bad humans, ones that steal, lie, cheat and or abuse others. However, you meet their families and parents and question “How is that even possible?” No matter the upbringing, humans are responsible and should be accountable for their own actions, and sometimes they just aren’t, and refuse to.

It’s going to directly affect you in one way or another, but you still have the choice to still be a Good Human, and act accordingly if someone does something to you that hurts you. You have control on how you react to certain situations. You do not have to bow down to their tactics, walk their path, you have the ability as a human to walk away. Even good humans, still make mistakes, choose the wrong path inadvertently, but eventually they find their way back on the right path. It takes time and it takes patience for them to catch back up, but everyone has to make their own path, and that’s okay. Like I said, it’s okay to be human.

You personally, for your well-being (and sometimes health), have to be willing to allow yourself the patience and kindness to remove yourself from that situation. You have to remember “I am human too; I have offered my help, my love, and my advice, that’s all I have to help a fellow human. I can only maintain the things that are within my control.” Whether it’s a family member, or just another human friend, sometimes you need space, and that’s okay. As a Good Human, you also have to be a GOOD HUMAN TO YOURSELF AS WELL.

Let peace reside in your heart as much as possible, to reach the best possible feeling of well-being whether you are chronically ill or not. Love and Guide where you can and forgive the ones that choose differently because it’s out of your control. –Wellness wishes from your Author

Self-Care

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Taking care of you, even when you are going losing your mind.

It’s very important that a person take care of themselves. Approximately 50 years ago, self-care was basically referred to as your personal hygiene. When you talk to our current elders, they are thinking, “Good, they still know how to brush their teeth, take a shower.” Inevitably, the word leaves them perplexed. The meaning of self-care has really evolved into something entirely different in the days of technology and constant input. For your health and well-being, and sanity, it’s highly important to focus on self-care periodically, if not, DAILY.

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My best suggestion to keep stress down is to start small. Therapists are available to us to help, FIND ONE! Your loved ones are going to eventually grow sick of you complaining, I’ve seen it countless times in the groups that I participate in. It is inevitable, so find someone you can complain to, and talk about your pain. In my experience, even my doctors who were confused about my condition were just as weary about my complaining than others around me. I’m ever so grateful to have found a therapist to follow me through my health journey.

Take a Bath, Pamper yourself, Give yourself a facial, whatever you need to do!!!!

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Next, try to do something simple like UNPLUG yourself from your phone, from all of the things around you, and just put yourself in TIME OUT. If that needs to be a nap, then take it. Naps are fabulous in giving you a reset at the height of pain. As I have even told one of my children, even when no one understands you have high anxiety, or need to be alone, just tell them you have a MIGRAINE, everyone understands you need that dark quiet room to go lay down in just to re-center, no other explanation needed.

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Or read a book! Something that is all your own, doing things for your sanity, and your calmness is important, to lower stress and cortisol levels and hormone responses. All of this is healthy behaviors for your brain!

If Books still aren’t your thing, then set aside time, just enough to listen to your favorite podcast, or catch a show that you have been missing out on while you are in your own space, on your own time. Don’t tell me there’s no time, I know you waste a great deal of minutes watching reels on various social media platforms, when you literally could be spending that time on yourself.

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My favorite part of all of these choices is the Naps. Like today, my ears started to burn, my blood pressure was a teeny bit too high for my liking (and for no reason at all other than my bladder has been a little irritated lately), so after dinner, I took a nap. It has become so common place, that now, no one comes looking for me when I disappear. Don’t bother momma if she says no words and disappears. (Trust me, it wasn’t always like that when the children were younger, but with due diligence, you can train yourself to take the time out for yourself and train your family as well.)

After all, if the kids get a nap, and your partner gets to “wind down” from the day, you better darn well put yourself on that list of needing your “wind down” time as well, and it better be put on some form of schedule, so EVERYONE knows, that’s your time!

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Symptoms…

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And the never-ending list of specialists.

First and foremost, I had noticed that I had started steadily gaining weight. What I mean by that, for me is that I used to gain a good 10 lbs monthly the week before my “Aunt Flo” came to visit me. Then it would steadily die down. However, this time, it just kept coming and not disappearing. For some reason, it didn’t faze me at first, and it really should have.

My knowledge base in eating properly was pretty good. I used to work out consistently and had been able to maintain a healthy weight even after not working out for a few years. During my pregnancy with my child, I had been pre gestational diabetic, so I was sent to a nutritionist, and I checked my blood sugars often and ate appropriately for my daily needs. In fact, I was so worried about it, I REVISITED a nutritionist, just to REFRESH my memory, and was told I was doing everything right. Yet, I’m packing on weight, and one month it was 18lbs in a month!

Picture representing a host of specialists from: freepik

At this point, I have a cardiologist, a kidney specialist, a gastroenterologist, and my own gynecologist, and neurologist studying my case, along with a new practitioner because my reliable one had retired. The kidney specialist, who was one of the amazing people that saved my life, gave me hope and a willingness to keep fighting looked me in the eye and said, “There is NO WAY that any person on the planet can physically eat that much to possibly gain that much weight in one month.” My caloric intake had literally gone down to approximately 500 calories a day if I was lucky.

To consume food, would cause misery in my GI tract that I was not prepared for. My right-side abdomen would reel in pain, I would be doubled over in pain. My throat would feel like it was still consuming whatever I had eaten the day before. Heartburn had become my middle name. Even the task of brushing my teeth that would send me gagging, and my stomach “snapping’ like a rubber band against my esophagus (at least that’s the best way to explain it). None of it made sense, but here I was rocking systemic illness.

Yet I continued to gain… there were days that I would BALLOON, to the point that I actually looked pregnant. In fact, one Thanksgiving my family witnessed me eat a 6″ tiny plate of food and balloon from 38 inches around to 54 inches around, in a matter of three hours! I promptly went home to go to bed, missing out on my family I love so much.

Then there was the fact that I was losing my ability to remember things. My short-term memory was beginning to be shot, and I lost my ability to recall long term memories as well. Tremors in my hands took away my ability to bake and decorate cakes from my home when my kids slept. My favorite hobby and secondary way of making a tiny bit of income, and that was shot as well. My daytime job, it wasn’t a possibility at that point. I worked in the service industry. Customers that have known me since I was a child, whom I had dealt with at least once or twice yearly, I was beginning to forget their names. The customers that hit the hardest for me, that really convinced me it was time to go home, was my bestie’s parents, that I’ve known since the third grade, I couldn’t remember their names that day I saw them walk into the business. I cried all the way home the day I had to resign from my job and give in to my illness.

When this took over my life….. I was a service writer, baker at night, ran a private counseling group online for abused women, mother, stepmother, taxi driver, tutor, and ran the household. Slowly each and everything was taken away from me. The one thing that I begged each doctor and specialist was, “I don’t want drugs, I WANT MY LIFE BACK.”

Yes, I’m allergic to bullshit.

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If you have found yourself here, you are allergic to the bullshit as well. I’m a mom, an Entrepeneur, a child taxi driver, a Baker, a Manager of life. So far, all I’ve managed about this life is figuring out I have no tolerance for the stupidity and drama of the bullshit that life brings to the table. So, if you’re ready to join me on this journey…. let’s get you started

I’ve chosen some hard roads in life, I’ve survived trauma, I’ve survived abuse, I’ve survived divorce, I’ve survived being a stepmother, and so far, I’m still surviving the remarriage (and happily I might add). Life doesn’t work out the way we like it to, but we have to fight and reach out for the happiness that we want, and you may lose your mind a few million times until you get there, but honey; YOU WILL GET THERE!

So now that you know a little of my backstory, let me introduce you to why I’m here and how I got here. Welcome to my world of mysterious health symptoms and literally losing my mind, almost dying, and coming back from the brink to tell you all my story! I hope that in this blog you will find the ups and downs just as enjoyable as I have and give you hope and love and light along the way.

So grab your coffee or drink of your choice and join me!!! We have shenanigans to get involved in!