Memory Loss had impacted me the most.

I know that unless you have lost a loved one to Dementia or Alzheimer’s you may not connect with, or even consider memory loss as a problem. This was a mainstay of my systemic illnesses. It was a huge impact on my life. There are still a few years that I won’t recover of memories. Then again, it was brought to my attention, that quiet possibly anyone who went through the Covid pandemic can relate to. Of time lost with family and friends.

As I sit here now, it literally is still incomprehensible that my niece is nine years old. That I missed some valuable years of her life, at least in my mind they are lost. That I cannot ever recover memories that either weren’t created or existed, not for my recall at least. We lost time, actually I was losing time before the pandemic. I was trapped inside my own head for a time being, where the memories just weren’t there. Yet, I still existed.

I was told I had dementia at age 40…. I’m now 45. How did I manage to lose nearly three years of awesomeness, yet I still am here on this earth to tell you this story? Your guess is as good as mine. Personally, I literally chalk it up to my family, my friends, for toting me around like nothing happened, like I was still a human even though I was trapped in my head.

One of my besties recant stories to me, where I married off my husband to her. My instructions were that I had told her that she was to marry husband if I died, I made her promise. Yes, I did that, and somedays I think she’s totally okay with that option. *Insert giggle* Then there are the friends that recant the stories of how I reminded them of family struggling with Alzheimer’s or Dementia, where they saw me in public and saw the glimpse of recognition in my eyes, but the question of not knowing them, so they didn’t bother to stop to actually talk to me. I still sit in awe of those moments that I don’t recall.

Memory loss was a thing, and it’s still a thing that I think will bug me just a little for the rest of my days. There’s always a possibility I may find my way back into that hole. For a moment, I want to enlighten you, that if you have family that have Dementia, or Alzheimer’s that, it’s most important that you continue to act and behave as though they are your loved ones. It’s most important to make them know and feel that you still believe they are the people that they have always been to you. Coming from someone who was trapped in her head with no way to communicate, I truly have come to appreciate everyone who did interact with me or was there for me even in the worst of times for myself, it gave me a reason to live, it gave me the reason to fight.

Honestly, at that point in my life, I now know so many others who may find their demise the same way, and I’m not any doctor, but I can literally say, just because someone tells you that you are going to die of XYZ, doesn’t solidly mean that you lose all comprehension at that point. The little time that your loved one has on this earth, you should still respect them for the human that they are. Little do you know that some of them just may hear you. My thoughts come from having a great grandmother with Alzheimer’s, a grandmother with Dementia, and a grandfather that had ALS. Trust me when I say, after losing my grandfather to ALS and knowing that even though his body was shutting down around him, knowing that his mind had never shut off, or shut down, and that everything was dying around him, I’m almost blessed to have the insight I do right now. Love your loved ones, just as they are, just as much as you can.

I’m lucky enough to say, EVERY single person who knew that I was sick, had an understanding, and had a loving hand when it came to taking care of me as I fought within my own head to break back out to be here today. Not one gave up the fight, as I have never had a spirit that was willing to quit.